New Top Norrington Table

LMH officially Oxford’s stupidest college

Scroll down for the full table.

New College have emerged as the highest achievers according to official college ranking system the Norrington Table.

New topped the table fairly comfortable ahead of St. John’s and fellow library lovers Merton.  The table also reveals a disappointing result for Magdalen who fell to sixth after topping it last year.

At the other end of the table it seems that LMH have been lazy, Somerville are slackers and Exeter took it easy as they form the bottom three.

The biggest movers are Harris Manchester who improved by a huge 20 places whilst the biggest losers are Keble who fell 19 places to 27th.

Norrington table


  1. M Towers 20th August 2013 at 10:31 am

    Hahah look at Slytherin in 17th place. Glorious!

  2. Orme Clarke 20th August 2013 at 10:53 am

    Shame PPHs aren’t on this table. Otherwise Regent’s ‘College’ would be bottom and everyone else would cower at the might of Benet’s.

  3. Orielite 20th August 2013 at 1:40 pm

    ye nice one ‘house’ who’s arrogant now? lol

  4. House French Taunter 20th August 2013 at 1:42 pm

    you don’t frighten me, oriel pig dog

  5. Orielite 20th August 2013 at 1:44 pm

    just coz u lost lol

  6. House French Taunter 20th August 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

  7. Anonymous 20th August 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Magdalen fell to sixth, not fifth.

    • The Tab 20th August 2013 at 4:49 pm

      Woops, cheers for the spot

  8. TEDDY TEDDY TEDDY 20th August 2013 at 3:39 pm

    disappointing results for the hall. this institution was built on a lack of academic excellence; if we don’t have that, well, what do we have, stunning physical and sexual prowess asides?

  9. Arouna Kone 20th August 2013 at 4:01 pm

    So happy Martinez took me with him to Everton!!!

  10. Wilhelm De Wilhelm 20th August 2013 at 6:31 pm


  11. HA HA HA 20th August 2013 at 10:58 pm


  12. NINAGAWA 22nd August 2013 at 4:09 pm

    the brookes JIBE IS REALLY LAME

  13. A Tab 2nd September 2013 at 12:29 am

    Strange that there are huge variations year on year among Oxford colleges in the table- presumably there is greater equality among the colleges, unlike in Cambridge in which college rankings are quite stable, with same colleges dominating each year (Trinity and Emma).

    • Bemused onlooker 4th September 2013 at 10:09 pm

      You’re looking at another university’s Tab during the summer holidays? Sick.

      • A Tab 6th September 2013 at 11:22 pm

        Well at least Cambridge doesn’t have a paper named after a river in Oxford, or one which is actually a nick name for students at Oxford.

        • Home of Hatred 25th September 2013 at 1:38 pm

          I’ve never heard of an Oxford paper named ‘The River Cam’…

  14. Tom cOughcaine 13th January 2014 at 10:01 pm

    I think you’ll find Wahoo toilets have seen the most high-grades this year

  15. Tom cOughcaine 14th January 2014 at 1:00 am

    I think you’ll find Wahoo toilets have seen the most high-grades

  16. Bob 19th March 2014 at 12:14 pm

    You say “The police aren’t taking the situation seriously enough” followed by a photo captioned “85% of burglaries result from thieves using shared communal gardens entering through unlocked doors”, doesn’t this imply that we’re not taking it seriously enough either?

    • Harry Yorke 19th March 2014 at 1:19 pm

      No…I say I am the writer not the accuser.. I never said “the police aren’t taking the situation seriously enough”- that would be a student robbed at knifepoint. Bob please read properly next time. Also I believe students need to work with the police, so yes close your windows and back doors. Hope that clears things up for you.

      • Bob's Mum 19th March 2014 at 1:57 pm

        What a shit article. Bet you’re glad you wasted your time on that

      • Bob's Dad 19th March 2014 at 6:59 pm

        1 in 3 students are victims of crime. Absolute bollocks. You are making shit up. Tab<Daily Mail.

        • Harry Yorke 19th March 2014 at 8:32 pm

          These statistics were run past the Sergeant in charge of Selly Oak police, perhaps he too “is making shit up”

  17. anon 19th March 2014 at 2:29 pm

    If you click onto the crime map and focus on the area of Bournbrook and Selly Park which are the highly populated student area of Selly Oak, you will see that a number of the crimes are antisocial behaviour. These are included in your total of 127 crimes. In total, after a quick count of the area I have assumed you included in your count, there are around 100 cases of antisocial behaviour in the area. Making excessive noise after 11.30pm counts as antisocial behaviour, so house party, pre-drinks, etc if reported in are classed like this. And probably in the majority of cases are related to student houses. Another thing to point out is that a burglary occurring in a house of separate residents, like all student houses, it is classed as burglary per residents, so 1 burglary in a 5 bed student house = 5 burglaries.

    When reporting on crime and a sensitive area like these cases it is imperative that statistics and figures are represented truthfully and not sensationalised to induce more fear into already worried vulnerable students. Your reports on the recent incidents has not helped any student to become more safe rather have fear of their own shadow. Perhaps you should consider producing an article on the best ways to stay safe at night or something along those lines.

    Yes, when writing media and journalistic discourse we all want the big headlines but sometimes you have to step back and think of the ethics, especially when the people you are harming the most are your fellow students and peers.

    • Harry Yorke 19th March 2014 at 8:27 pm

      I think we must be looking at the wrong statistics because it clearly says there are only 27 counts of anti-social behaviour for January? Secondly I think anyone reading can see that Burglary is not the main issue right now, but if it has been listed as in the Top 5 “at risk” in the region, that is certainly a cause for concern surely? On robbery- there have been 26 since February, cant distort those figures? Not helped students.. I would rather students be shocked by events and take the necessary means to protect themselves until the situation has been resolved, than they be none-the-wiser. And in regard to sensationalist, if statistics are shocking- thats not sensationalist its the hard truth of the situation. Harming students? by making them aware of the current situation, think that’s laughable personally. Yes it may the article shocking, but if it provokes the police to react and students to respond, then I take that as a job done.

      • anon 20th March 2014 at 9:17 am

        I agree burglary is not the main concern right now and that is down to the huge effort over the past few years that the local Police, including PCSOs and the the Guild’s Community Wardens have made to make students more aware of risks when living in a public area rather than in a secure halls of residence. The police have been working hard to make students safe and they are working extremely hard to tackle these recent crimes. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they are not present.

        Statistics – I do apologise, your link took me to the October statistics. Yes in January, there has only been 27 ASB accounts, but there have been 4 robbery, 22 violence and 2 theft from a person. Your representation of the statistics is skewed. You write that statistics remain high during the university term times, that is because the area is largely a student population and therefore more opportunities for crime. I’m not condoning the criminals but its not hard to realise that when there are more people in an area then crime will also rise. You have not stated where you have got your figures for the 26 accounts of robbery since February and therefore I hasten to comment.

        The style of your writing, fabricating or exaggerating quotes in other stories of in your other reports is what harms students. You can make students aware of the current incidents without sensationalising the headlines of your stories, quotes and using statistics to your advantage. What you are doing is making people terrified to leave their house. You’re not provoking the police to act, do you really think the police care what you write in your terrible articles, don’t you think they’ve got more important things to be concentrating on rather than having people like you damning their efforts to respond to crime.

        I still would like to reiterate that an article promoting methods to stay safe rather than articles enticing people to become afraid of their own shadow would be a much more honorable “job done”.

        • Harry Yorke 20th March 2014 at 12:15 pm

          So just to be clear then, you are suggesting I don’t report two incidents of severe police negligence, whilst also not reporting on students views of the police who have been victims of crime and feel their cases were not taken seriously. I don’t have a vendetta against the police in any way, but anyone who tells me that this should not be addressed, and the police should not be pressured to tackle the issues raised, should maybe reflect how they would feel should they face a similar situation. And FYI the police have taken what we’ve reported very seriously, hence why I was invited to a meeting with them two days ago to discuss the initiative going forward and why I am in constant contact with the Sergeant of the Selly Oak force. Please spare me your belittlement. We will be running a story on student safety, but as I have already said, if we hadn’t reported on the situation, do you honestly think many students would read it. Think its time to be realistic. I hope that going forward that such frightening crime will not happen again, but I take reassurance knowing that students are now aware of the current dangers to their wellbeing. If you take issue with that, your call.

          • Jim 20th March 2014 at 1:56 pm

            I’m afraid I agree with anon. It’s dreadful and not helped by the opening line in response – you are suggesting I don’t report two incidents of severe police negligence – If you want to write opinion over fact perhaps you should launch a blog. As a student I would also like to know why no students are named, do they even exist..

          • anon 20th March 2014 at 4:02 pm

            The meeting was open to all who wished to attend. And do you take reassurance that you have scared many students into not leaving their houses? The fact that you haven’t already run a story on student safety which would have been very suitable after the first incident and perhaps due to your insistence that your reports are the source that most students read, it could have prevented further incidents happening?

  18. George 19th March 2014 at 3:26 pm

    After reading this contradiction at the start, I should have realised that this is yet another terrible article written by Harry Yorke on this issue.

    “two armed robberies in as many weeks” [...] “two armed robberies in 3 weeks”

    It’s such a shame that care hasn’t been taken to write a balanced article, as crime in Selly Oak is truly a serious issue. Harry, I’d advise you to learn how to write a decent article or refrain from writing such drivel in the future

  19. anonymous platypus 19th March 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Where do you even buy a baseball bat in selly oak?

  20. Stephen 19th March 2014 at 5:07 pm

    This writer is beating the police over this and not addressing the elephant in the room. That is to mean, students are so much more vulnerable due largely to their own doing. The vast majority of these incidents occur when people are drunk and 85% of burglaries are through UNLOCKED doors. Granted we do have a lifestyle that requires movement at nighttime (study etc) but constantly blaming the police is ridiculous when most of the risk we create ourselves.

    In addition the author calling this a “crime wave” is laughable. 2 or 3 serious crimes in the last few weeks is a temporary spike in a crime trend that has been generally downward in years.

    People also need to be REALISTIC. The police and criminal justice is an AFTER CONSEQUENCE of criminal activity. It seems the author or some of the overly critical mindless people on this issue would only find the police taking this seriously if a police officer walked around with them all day. The police can only act if they’re there or when they are called. In one of the stories it was even said that a female victim ran off (not to call the police!!) to get her friends….

    The bottom line is unless the police are standing right next to you in the moment of attack or robbery. There is only one person responsible for your safety minute to minute. You.

    • anom. 19th March 2014 at 6:09 pm

      There have been 26 robberies (robberies being different to burglary) since February. Many of these robbers are coming into Selly Oak from other areas to target students. Therefore your telling me that it’s the students’ fault, because they are students? The police have more than one duty- they are not just here to catch criminals, they are also there to prevent crime and deter it. If you have a greater police presence you have less crime, it is as simple as. If you have a more professional police department, guess what you put more criminals away.

  21. chill the fuck out 20th March 2014 at 10:50 am

    Tbh the tab is blatantly doing some scaremongering here. I’m mates with the guy who got mugged and he said there were no death threats, just demanding his belongings, there was never any ‘I’ll kill you’ talk. Yeah this is a problem but students aren’t some kind of higher race that deserve any more protection than anywhere else. Can the tab writers stop pretending to be actual journalists and go back to going to fab sober and reporting on shite like that.

  22. anonymous platypus 20th March 2014 at 4:04 pm

    Dear Harry Yorke,

    Go fuck yourself

    That is all.

  23. Mike 20th March 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Just a few questions on the statement: “As a UoB student, during your university lifetime you have a 1 in 3 chance of falling victim to crime”
    Is that based on reported crimes or estimates?
    Any particular source for that information?
    University lifetime is not something as easy as saying 3 years on average, is it taking into account Postgrad/Undergrad differences (3:1 ratio)?
    I think it is a pretty big claim to make without quoting any particular source

    • Harry Yorke 20th March 2014 at 11:57 pm

      Its also on the guild website, maybe you should take it up with too? And it was accepted by Sergeant Williams

  24. anonymous platypus 22nd March 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Seems the tab have deleted all of the comments for this article, something to hide, ignoring valid comments and criticisms, or just embarrassed about their poor journalism?

  25. redbrick 24th March 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Worst journalism ever

  26. Curtis 1st May 2014 at 10:03 pm

    New COLLEGE. Not New. Come on Tab, you should know these things.

  27. Jamie Brown 18th May 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Do girls even poo?

  28. Arthur Miller's Dad 18th May 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Marilyn Monroe herself was even adept in this department. When she was meeting Arthur Miller’s parents for the first time, she sagely turned on the taps while having a wee upstairs. Sadly when Arthur asked his eagle-eared dad what his first impression was he said, ‘Nice girl. Pisses like a horse though’.

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